Is she really going out with him? Is she really gonna take him home tonight? Is she really going out with him? ‘Cause if my eyes don’t deceive me, there’s something going wrong around here. -Joe Jackson
Holy schnikies! I should have known something was up. I should have known it when Billy Buckner returned to the Red Sox in 1990 and received a rousing standing ovation from the Fenway Faithful. I should have known it when Billy Goat threw out the first pitch to Dewey Evans at the Sox home opener as they unfurled their 2007 World Series Championship Banner and received yet another rousing standing ovation from the Fenway Faithful. I should have. I didn’t. I certainly didn’t see this coming. I didn’t see Buckner being hired to manage the Brockton (Mass.) Rox, a team in the independent Can-Am League. Bill Buckner played for over twenty years in the bigs. Bill Buckner accumulated over 2700 career hits. In one fateful moment Bill Buckner ruined my life forever. Or at least until 2004. And now this? Now he’s the manager of a local ball club? Why it’s a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham. What’s next?
Ben Dreith as Offensive Coordinator of the Patriots?
1976. Patriots/Raiders. Playoffs. The Patriots battled the 13-1 Raiders (the one loss coming at Foxborough) tooth and nail. Battled for the Holy Grail. Battled in a heroic tale. Led 21-17 late in the game. Had the Raiders stopped cold. I’m so hot for her, I’m so hot for her, I’m so hot for her and she’s so cold. Stopped cold after holding Oakland on third and 18 at the Pats 28-yard line. Instead having to go for it on fourth and 18, referee Ben Dreith called roughing the passer on Sugar Bear Hamilton. The worst call I’ve ever seen. The worst call there’s ever been. The beginning of the end. Both for the game and the Patriots future. (Dishonorable Mention: The late Jack Tatum as defensive backs coach).
Jack Hamilton as Pitching Coach for the Red Sox?
Tony C. The future of the Red Sox. He electrified the Fenway Faithful by hitting the first pitch he ever saw at the old ball park over the Monster for a home run. In his sophomore campaign, Conigliaro led the league in home runs. He became the youngest American League player to reach a career total of 100 home runs. A local kid. Beloved. Then it happened. Hamilton hit Conigliaro with a pitch that fractured his cheekbone and eye socket and severely damaged his retina. Conigliaro nearly died. He came back, but was never the same. (Dishonorable Mention: The Aaron Bleepin’ Boone as play by play man).
Ulf Samuelsson as Head Coach of The Bruins?
Dirtiest of the dirty. Cheapest of the cheap. Gooniest of the goons. High stick to the eye of Pierre Mondou. Career over. He was a Canadien, so we didn’t care. We did care about Cam Neely. We cared a lot. On the ice, Cam Neely defined the power forward. Think Alexander Ovechkin. Explosive. Punishing. Tenacious. And boy could he put the biscuit in the baket. 50 goals in 44 games during the 1993-94 season. The third fastest tally of all-time for the coveted scoring benchmark. Only Wayne Gretzky made the grade of 50 in fewer contests. That all ended during the Game 6 of the 1991 Prince of Wales Conference Finals. That all ended on a cheap shot by Ulf Samuelsson. (Dishonorable Mention: Pete Mahovlich).
Isiah Thomas as GM of the Celtics?
I think Larry is a very, very good basketball player. He’s an exceptional talent. But I have to agree with Rodman. If he were black, he’d be just another good guy. You don’t tug on Superman’s cape. You don’t spit into the wind. You don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger. And you don’t mess around with the Legend. (Dishonorable Mention: Ralph Sampson as Big Man’s Coach).
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six two and even!
